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lifted one ham after another, inspecting, poking, prodding and ultimately replacing each one. It was as if we hoped that one of the hams, poked or prodded in the right way, might take pity on us and announce that it was the right one to take home. The hams remained mute. Salvation appeared in the form of an elderly African American woman who parked her cart at the foot of the ham bin, looked over the assortment of hams and within seconds, had placed two confident hands on the ham of her choice. With a brisk and practiced motion she hoisted it out of the bin and into her cart. We stood in open-mouthed wonder at such efficiency and one of my hapless fellow ham-pickers poked me with an elbow and hissed, "Maybe we should ask her." No guts, no glory. As the expert began to wheel her cart away, I asked, "Miss. Could you help us please." She paused politely and I continued. "Can you tell us the difference between a butt and a shank." Her eyes widened momentarily, but regaining her composure, she explained. Her eyes widened a bit more when she realized that this difference was only the beginning of the problem and that the three of us were as lost as ever. "You all don't know what you're doing do you." "No, ma'am," we answered in unison. She sighed and took charge. "How many people you expecting to be feeding?" When each of us had replied, she pronounced "You all want butts. You want a five pound butt, you want a seven pound butt and you want the biggest butt they got here." Like good soldiers, we bent to search the bin for the appropriate butts, found them, and placed them in our respective carts. Like good soldiers, we then stood waiting for further orders. Our commander in chief, who had unwittingly had this greatness thrust upon her, shook her head. "Hmm, hmm, hmm. You don't know what to do with these either, do you?" she accused. We shook our heads, abashed at being discovered and at the same time knowing that she would make all things right. With a sigh and another shake of her head and a few more hmms, she began coaching us on the intricacies of baking ham butts. She told us how hot the oven should be, how long the ham should be baked, what we should bake the ham in, how we should test the meat for doneness, how to cut ham slices, how to serve them. Without skipping a beat or cracking a smile, she gave us recipes involving pineapples and cloves and ginger ale and brown sugar. She spoke slowly and carefully, like a teacher well attuned to the particular needs of slow learners and well versed in the art of imparting information clearly and simply. And the three of us listened in rapt attention, not the least bit offended that she punctuated most of her sentences with that tell-all "hmm, hmm, hmm". We absorbed it all, down to the last warning note about not overcooking the ham because it would turn out "dry as sand", thanked her profusely, wished her a happy Easter and watched her walk away, shaking her head and muttering under her breath. My comrades in arms and I, now fully and meticulously tutored in the art of ham-selection and ham-baking, wished each other a happy holiday, and the best of luck with Sunday's ham dinner. Only one of us had the courage to voice what we had all been thinking and what the elderly woman had probably been muttering under her breath. "Three dumbest broads she probably ever met. A hundred hams in front of their noses and they were all going to starve to death or poison somebody. And for Easter Sunday, no less. Hmm, hmm, hmm." * Roughly translated as "the stupid one poured water", the phrase refers to a story about a fool who spent his time pouring water from one bucket into another and back again. It is used to describe anyone indulging in the mechanical repetition of a useless and unproductive activity. ** Tamara's ham recipe: Buy a pre-cooked 5 pound ham butt and a can of ginger ale. Read cooking instructions on ham package. Set the temperature as instructed for pre-heating. Place ham in shallow baking dish (pyrex is better than metal). It really doesn't matter which end is up. Pour the can of ginger ale over the ham and place in oven (the ham, not the can). Bake for as long as instructions say. Wait a while before slicing. Feeds four. 20 НАШЕ ЖИТТЯ”, КВІТЕНЬ 1999 Видання C оюзу Українок A мерики - перевидано в електронному форматі в 2012 році . A рхів C У A - Ню Йорк , Н . Й . C Ш A.
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