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“НАШЕ ЖИТТЯ”, ЛИСТОПАД 2010 19 to include the extended family. While in the past the nuclear family was assisted by other family members, church and community, today it is expected to meet tho se needs by itself. This is an almost impossible task, especially because the burdens on today’s families have multiplied. When family life is disrupted, the children are the first to suffer. Because I saw up close how often children of divorced parents su ffered emotional trauma, I became motivated to learn and do whatever I could to help people stop and analyze whether this is really what they wanted for themselves and their children. This is not to say that I judge who should and who should not divorce. H owever, spouses often give up on their marriages just because they do not know what else to do to set things right between them. Most often they want a neutral party to help them fix what is ailing them, and this is where I come in. Early intervention is most desirable. Working with the entire family is most helpful because the dynamics of the interactions between individual members of the family come to light. Sometimes it is amazing how a simple, seemingly minor adjustment within that framework does wond ers to stabilize the entire family. That is most rewarding to see, and this kind of thing can happen even in one session. You speak of results - based counseling in your sessions with your clients. Please describe this process. By results - based , you must me an solution - focused counseling. In my sessions with clients, even as early as the first session, I help clients identify what they see as a possible solution to any given situation. We do not engage in too much problem talk — just enough to get an idea. I am not the one to come up with the solution, even if I believe I have one. As a therapist there is no way I can know, be sure, or give advice as to what a given solution to a problematical situation is or can be for a given client. Also, people really do not like another person to tell them what they should do. When they “own” their solution, they are more likely to live it. The way I work is to draw out a description of what a given situation would look like if the problem that brought a client to me was gon e. Amazingly, most people are generally very happy to describe such a scenario. What I do to facilitate their movement in that direction is to help them clarify this, weigh the feasibility of certain decisions, and figure out steps they will take to move i nto that happier and more satisfying state. In the process, they clarify their own values and take a look at themselves to see if they themselves may be generating their own problems, or at least contri - buting to them. A lot of time is spent in questioning whether what they are moving toward benefits not just them but others. It is always easier to work with clients who have a clear set of values, especially those with strong moral, ethical, and religious values. It is more challenging when these are not pr esent, but with enough digging, there is generally a positive value system to be found somewhere. I believe that everyone (with few exceptions) who comes to therapy is doing the best they are capable of doing at any given moment in time, which they think i s in their own and others’ best interests. That is what I help verify. You have published and spoken widely on mar - riage, family life, and bilingualism. How has your own approach to these social constructs helped you to help others? We are all human and face similar challenges and problems. My personal growth experiences have helped me develop compassion for whatever a client may be going through. This has allowed me to see clients’ problems from their mental and emotional frame of reference. It also faci litates rapport between therapist and client (“joining” in pro fes - sional jargon), and it is the one indispensable quality any therapist should strive for — without it, there is no “bond” and therapy cannot really take place. This does not mean disclosing on e’s own life trials with a client. It means having and showing empathy, building client trust and confidence. As in other cultures, the family has held a very important role in Ukrainian society. You had a very solid mixed marriage . Your daughters all spea k Ukrainian, are members of Plast. T wo of them married Ukrainians . What positive role did your late husband, Theodore Richardson, play in the overall culture of your family life? Well, that’s an interesting question. My late husband was a very intelligent guy and a psychologist to boot, who understood that exposure to other cultures, languages, and traditions increases one’s worldview, acceptance, and tolerance of other people and nationalities. He was highly respected — not just as a professional, but by hi s friends and community. In addition to his administrative position as Director of the Counseling Center at Marquette University, he also served as a consultant
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