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become pronounced when women became ‘people’ Rose Goldstein is the Director of Social Services at JHHA Kingsbridge Center. A thin, grey haired, no-non sense lady she spoke of being a woman caught in the so called “sandwich”. She relayed an incident from her own experience in which this dilemma surfaced: her daughter was in need of motherly help, advice and sympathy when coping with her own child’s bout with chicken pox. At the same time, Ms. Goldstein’s aging, ailing father was feeling especially poorly and needed his daughter’s care and love. Ms. Goldstein said she was torn between being a super-mom and super-daughter. She ended up feeling guilty. “Guilt,” the speaker said, “does not permit a start ing point to sort out the problems.” She suggested sub stituting the word “disappointed” for “quilty”, since it represented a feeling one can tackle with a positive approach. “Women need to open communication — we need to talk about our concerns, we need to talk to parents about our fears and their fears, about what one can rea listically do to help them,” said the next speaker Natalie Gordon, Chief of Social Services at JHHA. She under lined the word “realistically”. When faced with the situa tion of an elderly parent or relative who is unable to care for themselves, it is necessary to explore the avail ability and quality of professional help, urged Ms. Gor don. Geriatric counseling, both for the patient and members of the family could be beneficial. The major task, she implied, is the building of trust between the professional counselor and the caregiver, because in many cases it is up to them to decide on the best course of action. A professional counselor can examine the home situation, suggest government volunteer programs, review the financial status and, in general, be a support system both for the patient and the caregiver. “Putting an elderly parent or relative in a nursing home can bring feelings of grief, disappointment, quilt, doubt and un certainty,” said, Ms. Gordon, “but having a support sys tem can help one deal with these feelings.” The conference also offered many workshops pres enting various concerns of the aged and their families. One workshop provided advice on financial and legal planning. Another addressed the monumental task of when and how to choose a nursing home, and how to apply. There was also a workshop on the care for the elderly and frail at home, and one which was called “Facing Aging”. I attended the “Advocacy for the Sand wich Generation: Strategies and Techniques for Alter ing Public Policy”. I must say it was a disappointing workshop. I had looked foreword to learning about resources available in the public policy-making sector, instead we listened to a recapitulation of the earlier presentation and a description of the art of lobbying in Albany. I learned, however, that there is an agency called “RESOURCES for Midlife and Older Women, Inc.”, which is a non-profit social service agency and center where women can “meet to share experiences and receive support” . The brochure is rather vague as to what the organization actually does. But, at a time when there is very little in the way of social services, at least it is something geared to the particular problems faced by older women. It is a well known fact that for women, caregiving is an expected duty, while for men it is viewed as a manifesta tion of compassion and love. Actually women take on the responsibility of caregiving for many reasons, some of them ingrained by social mores, while others are related to changing economic factors. The primary reason women become caregivers is that they are counted on to do this kind of work. In other words, society expects this from women and society’s expectations can be a strong motivator. In our society caregiving is still synonymous with compassion and women are considered more responsive to pain and suf fering, therefore the job is theirs. The staggering cost of medical care, hospitalization and nursing home custody provides a compelling incen tive to provide home supervision for elderly family members. Unfortunately, most families make no provi sions for such care. The need usually arrives unexpect edly, requiring hasty decisions that invariably leave a woman member of the household in charge as the caregiver. One of the serious drawbacks of such decision-making is that many career opportunities are jeapordized or lost. Today, more than at any other time women are working at jobs that are productive, responsible and necessary to the growth of our society. Also, the issue of parent care comes at a time when many women are trying to return to work after raising children. Their employment may be necessary to their own sense of well-being, as well as an absolute necessity to the financial survival of the family and the education of the children. The bottom line of this issue is that there is virtually no support system available for the caregiver and very little for the individual who needs care. As a result of the increased longevity of the population and economic demands placed on families, the issue must be removed from the family and placed upon the shoulders of the community and government. From a moral and philoso phical perspective, the way society deals with this ques tion will indicate how it values people at this vulnerable stage of life. The elderly who have led productive lives have a right to expect dignity and respect. Unfortu nately, the predominant public approach has been to seek the cheapest, least imposing way to maintain a support system for an elderly person. This always implies that a family should assume the care, and ultimately this becomes the responsibility of a woman. It is surprising to note that the Women’s Movement has not dealt with the complex problem of caregiving. However, there are several programs in the study stage which are searching for resolutions to this most urgent dilemma. Agencies such as the American Association of ’’НАШЕ Ж ИТТЯ”, ЛИПЕНЬ/СЕРПЕНЬ 1986 29
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