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26 WWW. UNWLA.ORG “НАШЕ ЖИТТЯ”, КВІТЕНЬ 2013 HELPING YOUR CHILD SUCCEED IN SCHOOL – Part 2 by Irene Sawchyn, Ph.D. Consider this situation: your child has been complaining about her teacher for a while. You had hoped that the situation would resolve itself, but you see that your child is frustrated , and so are you — w hat should you do? Knowing when to intervene, and when not to, is one of those thorny dilemmas of parenting. Parents do not get an instruction manual on how to navigate the education pro cess, and the rules that were commonly accepted by our parents’ generation do not seem to apply. When I entered teaching as a second career, I was taken aback at how poorly — as a parent — I had understood the parent - teacher - student relationship, and how much my perspective changed once I became a teacher. The following guidelines are based on numerous discussions with teacher - colleague s and my own experienc es (and mistakes!) as a pa r- ent and a high school/college educator. Although the suggestions are not mean t to apply to all sit u- ations, these basic strategies may offer support for both parents and students. It may be useful to first ask, what are the attributes of a successful education? Much has been written recently about the importance of d e- veloping r esilience — the ability to adapt and thrive in the face of adversity and challenge — and that this quality is a stronger predictor of success in college than self - esteem. Another facet to consider is that children naturally want to please their parents. When a child shows poor performance in school, the child may become defensive or fearful and blame the teacher. This is normal! Children may give pla u- sible - sounding explanations that reflect the child’s perspective, but which may be only partia l- ly factual when viewed by an adult. For example, the child may say that the teacher “goes too fast ,” while the teacher would reply that the student did not do the required reading. These situations become complicated if parents take the child’s views at face value, rat her than see that the child may be floundering and needs help. I know I made this mistake more than once before I sat “on the other side of the desk”! It is often easier for a parent to blame the teacher than to help change a student’s unproductive ha b- its. So what should a parent and student do when there are issues with a teacher? The primary goal should always be to get the student back on a productive learning track — with the teacher as a partner . It is amazing how improving grades can reduce complaints ! A first step would be to have your child communicate with the teacher directly, as soon as problems arise. This places the primary responsibility on the student, and very importan t- ly, signals to the child that the parent has conf i- dence in her child to d eal with adults. If nece s- sary, parents can help a student prepare specific questions before meeting the teacher, such as how to do a problem, or how to study for a test. After the meeting, it is very useful for the student to write a thank - you email that summarizes what was said. Teachers really appreciate thank - you’s! This also helps a teacher remember what took place — no small feat when facing more than 100 students a day. Parents can help by monitoring that the student has benefited from the meeting, and seeing if additional meetings would be ben e- ficial. Although some students may be unco m- fortable taking this initiativ e, remember that in college a professor by law (!) cannot discuss a student’s academic standing with a parent, and a student has to take care of her own issues. At the same time, measures can be taken at home to strengthen organization and time - management skills, which are frequently the cause of poor performance. A parent can help the student organize notes and handouts. A kitchen calendar with assignment due dates can help avoid conflicts with other commitments. The st u- dent can work with a study buddy w ho “gets it . ” The Internet has excellent video lectures, esp e- cia l ly for math and science. A ll this takes time — perhaps extra - curricular commitments need to be reduced. What if the student has met more than once with the teacher and grades have not i m- prove d? It may be appropriate at that point for a parent to meet with the teacher, preferably with the student present. The teacher should be a p- proached as a team player and never as an adve r- sary or subordinate. This conversation will be most productive if the key question throughout is, “What can we do to help this student d o better going forward?” The goal would be to develop specific actions that a student can take to improve her performance. Taking notes helps some pa r- ents check if their questions are being answered. The teacher should offer concrete suggestions for
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