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There is no one who has not felt anger. Anger is a normal and healthy emotion. If there is a reason to be angry, then anger is perfectly appropriate. However, when anger is expressed in a way that harms you or others, then anger is a problem. What exactly is the definition of anger? Anger is a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility. This definition applies to a broad range of emotions and, therefore, has numerous connotations. I will explore and explain how we can get a hold of our anger and not let anger get a hold of us. Most often anger is a reaction to something perceived to be ugly, unfair, or cruel. However, anger can also present as conscious action, not just as a reaction. Anger as conscious action can present in several ways. One way is obvious – open aggression. This aggression can manifest as lashing out, verbally, physically, or both. Then there is passive aggression that appears as a “silent presentation,” a hidden hostility, giving the impression that nothing is wrong. Both open aggression and passive aggression are seen in individuals who need to be in control. A healthy alternative to the above types of anger actions and reactions involves several important components. First, it is important to start out by thinking before speaking (most frequently to avoid having regrets later about what you say). The next step is controlling the tone of your voice, stating how you feel in a non-confrontational way. State your view and opinion. You cannot always control feeling anger in a situation, nor should you, but you must learn to control how you react. Learning how to control anger is essential to our well-being since anger affects many aspects of our life. Mentally, anger adds to our daily stress, can lead to depression, and can bring about mental issues. Physically, anger can weaken our immune system, contribute to insomnia, increase our blood pressure, and in turn put added stress on our heart. Anger contributes to an increase in unhealthy habits such as increased alcohol consumption, increased smoking and, in some cases, drug addiction. These are all “coping mechanisms” that we adopt gradually. We feel the need to turn to these “calming” sources for relief. Relationships both at home and at work are affected, leading to alienation of family and coworkers. Children are also affected. In fact, after witnessing this behavior frequently, they may learn that expressing anger in inappropriate ways is perfectly normal, and may then carry this behavior into their own lives, continuing a cycle of harm. The goal of learning to handle anger is not to suppress anger, but to master the message behind this emotion. Just as anything in our lives, this mastery takes practice and patience. When you are angry, another technique to cope is to take a “time out.” Go for a walk, do some physical activity to diffuse your anger. Take some deep breaths. Also, step back and lighten up. Not everything is “anger worthy.” Take time to listen and be open to other opinions. Accept that you are not always right. Be open to respecting other points of view. You do not always need to be in agreement with others. Essentially, agree to disagree and leave it at that. Learn to identify your source of anger. Is the issue genuinely consequential, or is it inconsequential and are you inflating or overreacting to the issue? Realize that some causes and sources of anger may not be anger-worthy at all, but merely the words or actions of someone that triggers your anger nerve. Understanding why you are provoked will help diffuse the anger you feel and can change future behavior. Avoid triggers that you know will bring on anger. If you frequent a store that you know will trigger anger, stop reacting, take control and make the decision to shop elsewhere. Finally, practice forgiveness. Say, “I am sorry” and mean it. When someone tells you “I am sorry,” accept the apology. You will be amazed at how good these simple steps will make you feel. by Ihor Magun , M.D., F.A.C.P. GETTING A HOLD ON OUR ANGER Our Life | Наше життя 35
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