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14 WWW. UNWLA.ORG “НАШЕ ЖИТТЯ”, БЕРЕЗЕНЬ 2012 Revisiting Communication Skills by Ulana Zinych Since the month of March is dedicated to women in leadership, it behooves u s to look at some of the factors that affect our leadership abi l- ities . If you are not interested in becoming a lea d- er, don’t worry: w e will be discussing the type of leadership that all of us will be called up on to e x- ercise at some point and not necessarily that which is reserved for the elite few. Each of us is a leader at one time or another , and i t does not have to be a formally elected or assigned l eade r- ship position. For instanc e, there are leadership role s which we take on as we mak e our way through life, such as mother, spouse and many others. This article then is meant to be a useful reminder to many of us, and we all need remin d- ers sometimes. Communication skills can help us all to maintain and build interpersonal relationships and thus improve interactions with family, peers, and various groups with which we come in to co n- tact during our lives. Among some of the fund a- mental factors to consider when addressing com - munication is emoti onal intelligence and self - awareness. Without them , successful communic a- tion would be difficult to achieve. Emotional Intelligence (EI) , as defined by leading researchers Peter Salovey and John D. Mayer , is “ the subset of social intelligence that involves the ability to monitor one ’ s own and ot h- ers' feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them and to use this information to guide one's thinking and actions .” EI is considered by many to be actually as important (if not more so) as the IQ. So, can we re i n in on this EI? Are we born with it? Can we work at improving it? The answer is probably “ yes ” to all of the above, with the latter being of greatest importance since it shows that positive growth is possible. Certain steps and actions m ight help d e- velo p or improve our EI . Learning to become aware of ourselves, our re sponses to our env i- ronment and to o thers is key to maintaining sound communication. Unless we develop self - awareness, it is impossible to truly assess others’ actions and respond to them in a healthy manner. We must learn to do this in order to be successful in our social world. Once we become aware of our responses to certain situations , especially those which are stressful, we can learn to keep our emotions, and therefore our responses , in check. In this way, we can prevent or at least minimize conflict , which usually interferes with the achievement of goals. If conflict does present itself, there are ways we can deal with it and proceed with goal attainment in a positive way. First, w e must put aside any unpleasa n- tries of the past, which might hold us back from working on reaching our intended goals, and f o- cus solely on the present and on the job at hand. Just as important is the need to be respectful t o- wards the other person o r person s and their ideas . This helps to achieve a win - win situation where both parties feel positive about the negotiation at the end. All too often , we ( and most of us have probably been guilty of this) see our ideas as the best and try to impose them on others. Using our EI , we must change this kind of thinking when it occurs. We can acc omplish this if we possess self - awareness. Remember, it’s never too late to learn it. We must also learn to compromise. One of the most important aspects of com - munication is ac tive listening. This includes paying attention not only to what is being said but also to how it is said — the inflection used, the tone of voice, and the body language. If we are attentive, we learn more from body language than we do from the spoken word. W e must pay attention to everything the speaker is communicating without letting our minds wander. Often we feel that we must have a retort ready and, as a result, we shift our attention to our planned answer, frequently losing track of what is being said. We lose out b e- cause we may miss some important points of the conversation, maybe even the main point. Som e- times we interrupt the speaker, again losing some of the story and adding stress to the situation . Assuming you are the speaker, there are certain ru les to follow to show acceptance and respect of other group members. One valuable technique is to involve others by asking for their feedback. This shows your respect for them and at the same time gives you the opportunity to make sure your message is unde rstood as you intended it. It also shows an ele ment of self - confidence , which makes listeners want to listen to you. Very few of us enjoy listening to someone who is ins e- cure. It’s boring and may border on painful. Self - confidence comes with knowing what y ou ar e talking about and having self - respect, which, i n- ciden tally, we must posses s before we can respect others. Видання C оюзу Українок A мерики - перевидано в електронному форматі в 2012 році . A рхів C У A - Ню Йорк , Н . Й . C Ш A.
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