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How To Tell If Your Older Relative Needs Care by Irena Repczuk-D’Alessio Caring for an older relative will probably be the most difficult care-giving task you will undertake. Y our parents, an elderly relative, or even spouse, m ay have been managing to care for their needs, even though their health is deteriorating. One day, however, you realize that they have suddenly grown old and are no longer able to do the things they used to do, and you become fearful for their safety. In this article, I hope to provide some useful information that will give you some skills on coping with your role as caregiver for an older relative, give you an understanding o f some o f the problems o f the elderly, help you recognize when an elder needs help, and give you some tips on how to improve the quality o f life o f your older relative. The first question we need to address is whether we are prepared, emotionally, physically and practically, to cope with an aging relative. To begin with, we need to be mindful that older persons want their lives to be validated and they do not want to die alone. Studies have shown that most elderly people want to be independent and wish to remain in their own homes. They do not want to go into "old folks homes," and there m ay be good reason for this. The average life o f a nursing home resident is only two years. Therefore, if possible, we should strive to help our older relatives in their own homes and to help keep them as safe as possible. This is not an easy task, and requires a great deal o f time, energy, and self-sacrifice. It calls for being involved in their lives. W om en, the traditional primary caregivers, are the ones usually faced with the unexpected and tremendous challenges and demands o f caring for par ents who are too frail to manage on their own. Faced with a new set o f demands, we m ay be unprepared to cope with the challenge, which can often cause a strain on our own lives. It seems that there just is not enough time to meet the needs o f our aging relative. Before you can do anything to help your eld erly relative, you need to know that he or she is in need o f help. Recognizing the signs is not always easy. W e m ay live many miles from our parents, and it is diffi cult to visit often. To make matters worse, many eld erly people don’t want to be a burden on their children so they don’t let on that they are having a problem or they deny that there is anything wrong. For example, in m y experiences as a geriatric social worker, I often help clients with resolving various problems with Medicare, housing issues, medical questions, filling out forms from government agencies, making tele phone calls, or reading letters. They often tell me that they don’t want to “ bother” their sons or daughters. Some need help with household chores or shopping, but they refuse to accept help, and continue to cope with life although their physical strength and coping skills are insufficient. This lack o f outside help some times leads to illness or hospitalization. Recognizing danger signals and warning signs is critical. Here are a few things to look for: • B A S IC T A S K S - difficulty walking, dressing talk ing eating, shopping, cooking, cleaning, managing medications. • H Y G IE N E - infrequent bathing, unusually sloppy appearance, soiled clothing. • R E S P O N S IB IL IT IE S - mail is unopened, papers are piled up, unpaid bills, phone calls are not returned, low food supply, disorderly house. • H E A L T H - weight loss, changes in appetite, prob lems swallowing, fatigue, bums, black and blue marks (possible signs o f falling), hearing loss, incon tinence, seems withdrawn without reason, com plaints o f muscle weakness, insomnia or excessive sleeping, dehydration. • IS O L A T IO N - lack o f interest in outside friend ships, activities or hobbies, rarely goes out, keeps curtains drawn, and has little access to transporta tion. • A T T IT U D E - sadness, talks o f being depressed and feeing despair, paranoia, abuse o f alcohol or drugs, refusal to communicate, unusual argumentativeness, a recent emotional or medical crisis. • C O G N IT IV E F U N C T IO N S - constant forgetfulness about where things are, getting lost in the street, confusion, difficulty answering questions, inability to recall names o f familiar people or objects, forgetting to lock doors, or turn o ff the oven, loss o f sense o f time, and severe personality changes. It is important to note that it is hard to tell on the phone if anything is wrong. M any seniors believe that any admission o f weakness or request for help, could lead to a m ove to an “ old folks home.” If you suspect your elderly relatives need care, pay them a visit. If you cannot come right aw ay, have a neighbor or social worker look in on them until you can person ally evaluate the problem. The key factor in elder care is prevention; many problems and potential illnesses can be prevented with early interventions. “НАШЕ ЖИТТЯ”, ЖОВТЕНЬ 2002 13
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