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PATRICIA H. KOTYK-ZALISKO CHILD MALTREATMENT: THE DARKEST SECRET People have difficulty believing that maltreatment of children occurs. They are often reluctant to report pos sible abuse for fear of a variety of perceived reasons. Most times, people simply find it hard to imagine that various forms of child abuse actually occur. To believe that it happens means facing the painful reality that there is perversion in our world — and in our families. Although it’s easier to believe that child molesters are strangers, the reality is different: between 85% and 95% of all sex crimes against children under 18 years old are committed by someone the victim knows, and most child sex abuse is intrafamilial. Even harder to accept is the fact that as many as half of all child sex offenders commit their first offense before they reach 18 years of age. Many offenders are women. Law enforcement offi cials have long acknowledged that those who sexually or physically abuse children are likely to repeat their offenses, often with tragic or fatal consequences. Other authorities believe that child abuse victims are more likely to commit offenses later in life, particularly violent crimes.1 It is imperative to remember that an abused or neg lected child has the right to be protected. The identifica tion of abuse and neglect is not the sole responsibility of any one person or agency. It requires the coopera tion of all people working together to identify, report, diagnose, treat and protect the victim. Often children are tricked, groomed or bribed into acts of abuse over a period of months or years, and the abuse escalates over time as the child develops. This is particularly true of sexual abuse where force is more rarely involved. Victims are boys or girls, ranging in age from infants to teenagers. They come from all cultural, ethnic, economic and geographic areas. They have dif ferent levels of intelligence and physical ability. Child ren who crave adult attention because their own parents are somewhat distant and preoccupied may be easy prey for offenders. Over time, the victim may keep it secret out of loyalty, confusion, or fear of countless possible believed outcomes. Professionals offer many different reasons for child abuse. However, all seem to acknowledge that there is no one answer to why it occurs, nor is there any one type of abuser. Like their victims, they come from all types of backgrounds. Nevertheless, an abuser’s rea sons for committing their acts do not minimize the vic timization of the child. Opportunities for educating children in how to avoid and disclose abuse arise every day. Encourage children to say ”no” when they don’t want to be touched; and, not to touch anyone when that person says to by saying “no.” Foster communication and allow children to talk; tell them they can talk to you about anything. If they don’t want to tell you, tell them to at least tell someone else who can help them. Check randomly on children whenever they are out of sight. Nothing discourages an offender as much as the threat of detection. If parents or caretakers are uncomfortable with a family member or friend, they can choose not to go to that person’s home or location or can decide never to leave their child alone with that per son. In day care centers, parents should drop in unan nounced and closely observe their children’s behavior. Remind children that you understand their limits and that the world is not always a fair place. Explain that, even when you say "no,” a grown-up person might sometimes force them to do things that they don’t want to do. Many children believe or are told that they are “bad” for letting themselves be coaxed into abusive situations. Above all else, tell children that they will never get into trouble for telling. It is always the fault of the abuser. Keep in mind that most children don’t tell about abuse immediately for a variety of reasons such as fear of punishment, or physical or psychological depend ence on the abuser. Children, when they do tell, may tell in bits and pieces, and then watch for the listener’s reac tion. A negative reaction from the listener can stop the child from telling. Some children attempt to tell about their abuse by asking questions or making cryptic remarks. Don’t let such comments go by: children may get the message that the hearer doesn’t want to hear more or that they are saying something upsetting. Con sider whether a child has behavior or language which indicates knowledge or experience beyond his or her years. Ask, ’’Where did you learn that?” and decide in advance to remain calm with the response. Children can also tell in non-verbal ways. They may resist going to a particular house or place, or throw a tantrum when they hear someone is visiting or baby sitting. Ask such children what happens when you are not around. There are behavioral signs common to stressful situations which may or may not be signs of abuse. Physical signs which raise a red flag are present in only about 20% of cases involving penetration: many sexual acts don’t leave physical traces at all. Not all abused children, however, will exhibit any symptoms. In addition to physical abuse, whose objective man ifestations are usually apparent, there are other forms of neglect and maltreatment which require inquiry and investigation by child protective services and/or law 20 ’НАШЕ ЖИТТЯ”, ЛИПЕНЬ-СЕРПЕНЬ 1994 Видання C оюзу Українок A мерики - перевидано в електронному форматі в 2012 році . A рхів C У A - Ню Йорк , Н . Й . C Ш A.
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