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ON THE LIGHTER SIDE.. Reflections About this time of the year people tend to talk about New Year’s resolutions. Somehow they’re not as serious about these promises to themselves — to do this or that, or to stop doing this or that — as I remember them to be when I was younger. Today, many things of yesteryear that one could fool around with, give up completely or cut down on, or start up (just to prove a point), are labeled a “health hazard.” So many of us automatically stop doing these nasty things, be it the middle of July or on St. Valentine’s Day. In other words, these vices are no longer a bargaining tool for our conscience when it comes to New Year’s resolutions. With smoking, drinking and other dangerous prac tices out of the way, what vices are left for us with which we can negotiate our way into a fun filled and exciting New Year. Well, there is SHOPPING, which is the way of the future. Closely associated with shopping are the indestructible credit cards, those little plastic villains that live in the wallet and lie in wait to spring into action at the first sign of weakness of the spirit. Here, we are discussing the spirit of responsible shopping, or buying only when the need arises. Unfortunately, this noble spirit of good intentions is on very shaky ground in just about everybody, to say the least. Actually, it goes against the very grain of every modern woman’s con cept of total freedom of action. Men are blessed with it too, except they lack the courage to admit it. It is general knowledge that credit cards mar reality and give one a make believe feeling of enormous power. The inner tug of war between wanting to buy and stop ping oneself contributes to high anxiety, frustration and tension, part of the by-product of contemporary exist ence. With all these negatives tipping the scales, how is one to survive the almost siren-like pull of the sparkling department stores and what seems like thousands of incredible boutiques. Well, let’s examine the ultimate restraint of shop ping — the art of using real money! Right from the start the questions arise — what possible fun could there be in “doing” the stores with cash in your pocket? Could you carry that much cash around with you? Do you have enough cash to cover all these lovely things you wish to buy? Let’s face it, it’s almost indecent to pay with cash today. You take out a wad of money to pay for your purchases and the people behind you on the line look at you as if you were not from around here, or as if the money you are flashing around was from some dark, disreputable and undisclosed source. How embrassing it is to have a snippy, gum-chewing sales girl hold your hundred dollar bill up to a light and give it a few twists to hear it crackle. Then, to make mat ters worse, she calls the manager. “Mr. Smith, I need approval.” Her voice resounds throughout the store and she waves the bill practically over your head, identifying you as the culprit who dared to stop the orderly flow of activity at the cash register. You hear sighs of resignation from people behind you on the line, and you know that blood pressure levels are on the march upwards. The manager arrives. He looks at you, then at the bill several times, as if to forever retain both images in his brain, just in case. Finally, in a gesture of extreme benevolence, he initials the bill and says, “Yeah, it’s OK.” You exhale and feel weak and want to kiss his hand for the kindness he has shown you in taking your money. In these crucial seconds you have been vindi cated from extreme suspicion and your right to stand on line and take home your bargain finds has been assured. Just then, the woman behind you remarks, “You can’t be too careful today, you can’t trust nobody. I wonder how he knows it’s good money. I sure hope you got it in a bank, otherwise it’s such a headache. My sister., blah, blah..” And the spell is broken. Well, there you are. The warm, conciliatory feeling is gone in a flash and a murderous rage is beginning to build inside you. How dare anyone question your integ rity. There you are, in the good old U.S. of A., paying with legitimate green dollars backed by pure gold reserves, and you are humiliated and picked at in front of your shopping peers. The nerve of these part time sales people with their righteous attitudes! And that woman with her disgusting catty remarks just added oil to the fire. To punish them all, you will return everything tomorrow! But again, the problems are just beginning. Yes, the store will take the merchandise back and NO, they will not give you your money back. You may have store credit. This is the “black hole” of shopping, the absolute pits situation. You never wanted to see this store again, but here you are, tied to it with a hundred dollar umbili cal cord. In another case, yes, they will take back these lovely things which you really want, but because the principle of the whole matter will not keep, but they will send you a check in the mail because anything over $20 cannot be refunded in cash. Of course, the credit office is very busy, your check will be issued anywhere from ten days to who knows when, so, there you are again. In the meantime you need cash and the next payday is many moons away. Sit and cry! In a nutshell this is the story of buying with cash. On the other hand a credit card is the ID of the legiti mate, upstanding, trustworthy individual. Usually the sale is complete in a flash, the purchases are wrapped НАШЕ Ж ИТТЯ”, ГРУДЕНЬ 1988 25
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